your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by.

I'm in a bad mood. I'm just feeling very annoyed. I'm stuck inside (by choice, yes, but it is a necessary choice) while everyone goes to the beach today. My knee is getting worse and I need to take a few days to, hopefully, help it heal. Not only am I missing out on the beach, but there is also a toga party on campus tonight that I'm missing, too. So here I am, sitting in my room, alone. No one from home is even online for me to talk to, either. Everyone is busy doing their own thing.

Classes start on Monday and I'm hoping that my knee is better by then. If not, I have to go to the doctor which means that I have to go into town and get my health card activated or something. Which requires more walking. Great.

And to make things worse, I'm slowly but surely running out of cigarettes, which means I'm inching closer to the time when I will have to quit. Cigarettes are way too expensive here (over $10 a pack) for me to continue smoking.

I think I'll just sleep for the rest of the day.

all our favorites were playin' so we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.

The beach yesterday was gorgeous. I had such a good time. We bought some Toohey's Extra Dry beer and I got slightly tipsy while taking it all in. I had Jason Mraz playing in my ears and some good people around me and I had to close my eyes and just breathe.

The bus ride back was nice, as well, although it was longer than anticipated and I really had to pee. We passed a couple of fields full of wallabies, which was cool. Also, instead of deer crossing warning signs, here there are kangaroo signs. That was comical to me.

We came back and chilled out and I drank some wine and then went to bed before 10pm. I've been getting up really early since I've been here and it's been nice for a change. Also, my knee is really fucked up. I don't know what I did, but the past couple of days it has been terribly painful when I walk, and almost unbearable when I go up or down the stairs. I've been pitifully hobbling around. I'm going to rest it and ice it for a few days, and if it hasn't improved I'll have to go to the doctor.

All the orientation stuff was today, so I was at school from 9am until around noon. My schedule isn't too bad. Monday I have class from 10am until 2pm, and then I have a lab for my marine science class. Tuesdays I just have my photography class from 1pm until 4pm. Wednesdays and Thursdays I have off, and Fridays I have my Venemous Animals in Australia class. Two of my classes are video lectures, also, which is weird...

Right now I'm relaxing for an hour or so before I have to head back to campus to go to my last few things. They're throwing a barbecue and serving kangaroo, which I am excited about trying. I've still yet to try Vegemite, though...

what is love and what is hate?

So, as promised, thus begins a lengthy (or atleast more detailed) post about my adventure down under up to this point.

I arrived at around noon on the 26th, after a 13 hour flight from L.A. to Brisbane, and another two hour flight from there to Cairns. After getting slightly hassled by customs for a pair of wooden drum sticks, I finally made it outside and took my first breath of Australian air, crisp and fresh. The weather was amazing and I stared out the window with my mouth gaping open on the ride to my accommodations. Everything is so green and vibrant and beautiful. After getting settled in my room, I went and sat by the pool and read my book (Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins, thank you to Lee for the recommendation - it's fantastic). I chatted and smoked with two guys, one from India and one from France. They were nice. I ended up crashing at 6:30pm and slept all through the night. Jet lag is a bitch.

Yesterday I woke up early, ate breakfast with some new friends and then my new roommate, Jeannie, and I walked two miles (approximately) to the Smithfield Shopping Centre and back to buy sheets, towels, and an internet cord. I spent the rest of the day relaxing and reading some more. That evening I ate dinner with some of the other kids here and was going to go out to the club with them, but ended up falling asleep early, which was for the best I suppose because I had to get up early this morning and go to JCU to get my welcome pack and such. I have orientation tomorrow and classes start the 4th of August.

Today, I think I will go to the beach with everyone, even though I just got my period. Also, my toilet won't stop running and it won't flush... I think my male German roommate fucked it up. Oh well.

I seriously need to find a drumset ASAP, but for now, here is some eye candy:

Bird's eye view of the coast.


Cairns, Queensland. Quite possibly one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and my home for the next four months.

her body's under the covers and there's nothing wrong with a single inch.

Oh my god. I am in Australia. It's beautiful.

That's all I've got for now. I promise a lengthy post once I get the internet hooked up in my room (which will be tomorrow). I had a whole bunch of ideas in my head of what I wanted to write about the flight and the arrival and stuff, but since I've had a lack of internet access it has all escaped me. Nevertheless, tomorrow I promise pictures and details. Cross my heart.

I miss everybody.

ego tripping at the gates of hell.

Two days until departure. I find myself constantly reflecting on the past two and a half months. Time flew by. If someone had told me at the beginning of the summer that I would have become good friends with Deena Maddox and would be dating Alton Jenkins, I would have laughed in their face. It's so crazy the way things work out. Life is a trip, man. This summer has been one to remember. I will never forget these days. This was the summer I really found myself and came into my own. This was the summer that my hands became blistered from drumming. This was the summer that I lost Pecos. This was the summer that brought new friendships into my life, diminished some old ones and rekindled others. This was the best summer of my life up to this point.

Twenty years of life has led up to all of this. Everything in life is connected. Every choice you make ricochets and causes your life to go one way or another. You make your life what you want it to be, and it's one hell of an adventure. While I am sad to be leaving, I know that these next four months are going to incredible. I'm going to have a good time and meet a ton of people and experience so much. And then I'll come back, and when I do I know I have fantastic friends and an amazing guy waiting for me. And if things change along the way, so be it.

I feel enlightened.

i was waiting on the moments.

God. Where can I even begin? I leave for Australia in three days and it's really starting to hit me. This summer has been so amazing. I met so many people, including a great guy. I know I'll be back soon enough, but I also know what time can do to people. I don't know. I think I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride, even if it means things not working out the way I want them to.

My birthday party was a lot of fun. I was really disappointed that a lot of people that said they were coming didn't show, but there was a fantastic crowd. Old friends and new friends, music, and happiness. I couldn't stop smiling. It felt good to have everyone with me to celebrate. Tomorrow is my actual birthday and I think I'm just going to go out to lunch with my family and possibly Alton.

I also got a new camera. It's almost exactly like my old one, but with slightly higher quality pictures. It's good to know I'll have a camera in Australia to chronicle my adventure. I'll be sure to post pictures up here for anyone who is interested. I've been listening to the Flaming Lips non-stop. They are fantastic. Now I need a shower and sleep. My bed will be lonely tonight.

This is me really, really happy.

the universe will have its way.

I think I learned a lot about people and myself tonight.

don't cry, i'll bring this home to you.

Life is so fucking weird (in a good way, though).

That's really all I have to say right now.

i'm floating down a river.

I leave for Australia in two weeks. I feel a mixture of excitement, fear, and sadness. This summer has been incredible, especially the past couple of weeks, and I'm sad that it's coming to an end. I'm going to miss everybody so, so much. I think I've really come into my own this summer and I'm scared that when I leave, this confidence that I've developed with diminish. I think that I can hold onto it and let it flourish on the other side of the world, though. At least I hope I can. I'm sure as hell going to try.

The next two weeks are going to fly by and I've got so much to fill them with. The Octopus Project is playing tomorrow at Sam's Burger Joint. After that, we're going to try to go to Hot Tin Roof to see Jaik's band perform. Sunday there is a show at the Warhol I may go to. Deena gets back into town on Wednesday. Thursday I'm going to Austin to see Tilly and the Wall at Emo's. Friday is the Rx Bandits/Portugal. The Man/Facing New York concert (also at Emo's). Saturday is my birthday party, which, if all goes according to plan (which somehow it never really does), should be awesome. Slain Monarch is playing for sure and Sarah and Octopus may play as well. Swimming, live music/jamming, possibly two kegs, and great company. Deepa is also coming into town for it, which I am super stoked about. I'm glad I'll get to see her before I head off. Then my actual birthday is the 21st, and then my flight out of here is the 24th.

This will be the last picture that I post of Pecos (which, by the way, I swear he is smiling in this). I think I've finally let go.

too low to find my way, too high to wonder why.

Where are the days, hell, the years, going? The summer has zipped by, barely giving me time to catch my breath. Hell, the past two decades have sped by. When did I go from a child to an adult? Where has my life gone? Have I lived it the way I should have? Time goes by way too fast. Or maybe it's just the right speed. I'm just left behind because I want to hold on to everything. I want everything to last forever. The fact of the matter is, though, that nothing does. Nothing is constant. Nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary, constantly changing, and then you die. And then who knows what happens. Maybe nothing. That's what scares me. The idea that our souls don't even live on. I'm afraid of that because I love life so much that I'm afraid of losing it to death. I suppose if there is nothing, I wouldn't really know the difference then.
...This is all just babble. I wish I could figure things out.

This is life. This is it. I need to really start embracing it because you never know when it's going to be gone.

This picture always makes me smile. I like the drool on his bottom lip area.

i've seen so many ships sailing, just to head back out again and go off sinking.

Still no sign of Pecos. I think that he knew it was his time and he wandered off into the woods to die. Yesterday was a rough day. I spent the majority of the afternoon crying and then had to sleep because my head hurt so much from the tears. I'm glad I didn't cancel the party, though. Seeing everyone and knowing that they're all there for me was comforting and I enjoyed myself, with two minor breakdowns throughout the night. So many people showed up last night. I got really annoyed at a few points because some people have no respect but it's whatever. I'm going to start monitoring who is coming to my parties a little more closely. People also need to learn that cigarette butts go into the ashtrays and empty beer cans go into the trash can/bags. They don't go on the ground. They don't go in the bathroom on the floor. They don't go in the grass. Into the trashbag. Into the ashtrays. How hard is that? I mean, we invite people to our home to hang out and that's all we really ask. I'm going to have to start turning on my bitch switch to get people to do those two simple things. Oh well. I'm going to detox until my birthday party, I think, anyways. So no more parties over here until then.

Anyways, I miss Pecos. I miss his fuzzy little face and the tippy-tapping of his toenails on the tile floor in the kitchen and the way that he would annoy us all by wanting to go in and out and in and out of the house. It's weird not seeing him around. I love you, big guy. You were a fantastic friend for 15 years of my life.

I think I'll continue to post a picture of him in all my blogs for a while, just because it makes me smile to see his face.

and my heart has slowly dried up.

Pecos is missing. I'm so fucking worried about him. He's been gone for hours and he's such an old dog and never strays far from the house and we've searched the property and our neighbors' land and there is no sign of him. My heart is aching. I'm so fucking afraid that I'm never going to get to see him again. God, I've had him since first grade. Fourteen years. The worst part is not knowing what happened. I hope he comes back. Please let him come back. The clouds are looking mean and I hate to think about him out there, alone, in the rain. If something has happened to him, I just want to be able to say goodbye to him properly. Pecos, I love you. Please come home to me.

Happy 4th of July everybody. Please be safe.