before you swim you've gotta be okay to sink.

Things have been really good lately. I'm officially done with work until finals. I just have to force myself to keep (start?) going to class. I got some really awesome pants yesterday. Dropped acid randomly on Friday. Getting excited about this summer. Lost about six pounds and getting in better shape. One downside is that I've started to bite my nails again.

I feel relaxed for the first time in a while.

drunken babble.

Pictures are so weird. Or maybe I'm just stoned. It's so strange to go through old pictures, whether they be from a year ago or a week ago. It's just... a moment captured in time. And as I look through them, I remember that exact moment, how I felt, what was happening, the story behind it. And as I look through pictures, all of these old memories come rushing back to me and it's almost overwhelming. It makes me realize how many good times I've had with friends, how much I appreciate everything that I have experienced, and it reminds me of the people that have helped me to become who I am now. Good and bad, both make me feel teary eyed.

I am an incredibly lucky human being.

flea market finds:

These are some of the random things I acquired this morning at the opening day of the Hollis, New Hampshire flea markets.

Some nice jars for putting shit in. Free.

A fantastic assortment of records. From left to right: The Eagles, Patsy Cline, The Steve Miller Band, The Bee Gees, Billie Holiday, The B-52's, and Madonna. $1 each (Madonna was $2).

An antique globe. $4.

Sweet new shades. $5.

Today was a good day with lovely weather. It almost made up for last night. Almost.

we go blind when we needed to see.

My head is killing me. I've had a headache for the past few hours and it doesn't seem to be letting up, even with some Advil. Bummer.

I'm starting to get really excited about the summer. I've been e-mailing with my boss, finalizing plans and what not. I'm going to get to South Padre around May 20th. I'll be sharing a mobile home with one other intern and we each get our own rooms which is nice. I'll have my training for the first week down there and then we're immediately heading down to Mexico. I don't know how long we'll be in Mexico for, but it's going to be brilliant. Man, I'm lucky.

Okay, I'm going to watch a movie and hit the hay now.

shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy ya.

I'm using this weekend to get my health, my schoolwork, and my life in order. I'm avoiding my room so I'm not tempted to nap. Currently I'm in the MEWS with Arielle in one of the collaborative rooms. I have a list of things I want to get done today. Abnormal psychology essay (which was due Tuesday), my cell bio labs (which were due last week, the week before, and the week before that), and aside from that I want to do laundry and get my room cleaned. I think I did surprisingly well on my cell bio test this morning. Sonya and I studied until past 2am last night and we woke up, had breakfast together, and studied for about an hour this morning. I'm thoroughly exhausted, considering I didn't fall asleep until 5am, but I'm determined to push through and just go to bed at a decent hour this morning. I plan on being in the library until around 9pm, then I'll head back and do laundry, shower, and clean. Katy gets off work at around 11pm, I may pick her up and then we'll come back and jam for a while before retiring. I'm looking forward to not drinking this weekend.

I'm also doing a sort of cleanse. I'm fairly certain that part of the reason I've been feeling so run down is because I've been eating so much crap. For the next week I'm going to eat mostly raw, unprocessed foods - essentially a ton of fruits and veggies. I need to start going to the gym again, as well. There's a lot in my life I need to change but I just need to stay focused on what I really want and what is best for me. And just make it through the rest of the semester alive.

This was a relatively boring post for anyone reading, I'm sure. Oh well. Deal with it.

God, I'll be home in a month. Time never ceases to amaze me. Now I'm off to get some work done and listen to Andrew Bird.

sick and tired.

I'm falling so behind in school. I have not felt healthy in so long and the past two weeks have just been bad. I'm tired all the time and now I'm starting to feel achy and I've been getting night sweats and nausea. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm in tears right now. I just want to feel better. I want to not be so behind with all my work and I want to not sleep all day every day anymore. I don't see even see my friends really anymore. I just want to figure out what's wrong with me so I can fix it and be back to normal. I hate feeling stressed about school and I'm trying to keep up but my brain feels so clouded I just can't concentrate on anything. I need to get better. I need to keep up with my work or I'm just going to end up digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself. I'm already stressed enough as is, that would be the last thing I need.

i wanna save you.

I need to find myself again. Reading old blog entries makes me nostalgic. I miss the past, but there is a lot of exciting stuff awaiting me in the future.