"i cried when i had no shoes, until i met a man who had no feet. then i laughed... really hard."

I had some weekend. Mostly just Friday. After some convincing I was dragged to a Vegas Night party mostly sober, was surrounded by wasted girls, got ditched by my friend who threw a drink on her ex, ate a weed brownie, then had to walk back from Silver Street alone at 1am, which resulted in a huge blister on my heel. I was pissed as hell by the end of the night for a number of reasons, but whatevzzzzzzzzz. Over it. Spent my Saturday night stoned as hell. Went for an adventure to Amherst and saw multiple drunk assholes tackling each other on the sidewalk. Overall, it was a decent weekend.

I've been doing the whole gym thing for a little over two weeks now and I feel great. Definitely more in touch with my body and how I feel physically. Mentally I feel good, too. Bam. I'm really starting to like my hair a lot now. It's pretty sweet. I've been doing a lot of thrifting lately. Got an AMAZING fur coat for twelve dollars. I don't care how ridiculous I look, I'm wearing it all winter. It is warm as fuck. I also got a neat lampshade and a guitar case that my fucking guitar doesn't even fit in. Bummer. It was really badass, too. I feel happy. Content. And it's been constant for the past few weeks. None of that up and down shit. Feeling more comfortable expressing myself. Planning for the future. Keeping up with the present. Learning from the past. Anticipating what lies ahead. Discussing possibly getting an apartment with the brother dude. Contemplating moving to California/Alaska. Driving cross country is still a possibility. Sea Turtle Inc. this summer again maybe. Working on my resume, working on my future, working on my life. And of course, using fewer complete sentences...

Strangers with Candy calls.

lord i was born a ramblin' man.

I wish people wouldn't get so wrapped up in things. I just want to say "hey, it's okay. it's going to be okay. Relax." So I do. And no one listens. Things are funny. I'm enjoying being alive. It's been absolutely beautiful up here in the Pioneer Valley. I learned a funny story the other week. Jeffrey Amherst, the man that the town and college are named after, was actually a total douche bag. A seemingly kind gesture: he gave the Native Americans blankets. Nice guy, right? Wrong. He purposefully gave them blankets infested with smallpox. And he was honored by having a town and Ivy league school named after him. I guess it only seems appropriate when I look at all the people that go to Amherst. Crude generalization, yes. But I have yet to really been proven wrong.

I've been sick the past few days. It sucks. Being sick usual does.

Mid-semester break starts Friday. I'm not going to do shit with myself. Just going to enjoy the free time and the weather. Saturday I'll be going to Boston for Hannah's Edith Piaf themed birthday party. I have no fucking idea what to wear.

My life has been guitar guitar guitar homework cigarettes gym guitar sleep gym class labs. Happiness, essentially. I feel freer than I have in a while and it is a beautiful thing. I don't feel tied down to too much and the responsibilities that I do have I thoroughly enjoy. Doing well in school, keeping up with work, trudging my way through senior year. I still can't believe it.

I want to start writing more often. Less inhibited, less censored. I'm working my way towards baring my soul to the world. And doing it without the search for acceptance is a lovely thing. Here I am. This is me. Take it or leave it, no skin off my back.

I type really fucking fast. It's ridiculous.