the trouble is that you're in love with someone else.

I can't believe this is the last day of 2008. Another year gone. I know I always say this, but really... time is flying. This topic really deserves a long, reflective post. The type of which I am not currently capable of forming at the moment. After a night of sleep I'll come back and try again.

you're beautiful when you're sleeping.

I lost myself somewhere along the way and I don't know where to look to find myself again. I don't feel the same. I feel empty. I feel somewhat dead. What's the hell is going on? I feel like closing myself off, but that's the last thing I need to do. It's all I seem capable of, though.

one world. one experiment.

I just finished reading "A Short History of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson. It was a very good book. I enjoyed it especially because of my passion for science. Up next on my list is going to be a Tom Robbins book. I absolutely loved "Another Roadside Attraction" so I thought I'd give some of his other stuff a try, too. Right now I have "Jitterbug Perfume", "Skinny Legs and All", and "Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates". If anyone has read any of them, let me know which one I should start with. Also, any other book suggestions would be fantastic.

I am officially going to start eating better and working out again. I hate that I've put on weight over the past 6 months and I hate that my jeans are just a little too snug. I want to feel good again. I'm going to get up tomorrow at a decent hour and run on the treadmill for a bit. It's going to be brutal because a) I haven't run in probably two months an b) I have been smoking almost a pack a day (sick). Nonetheless, this is something I feel like I really want to put the effort towards.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do this summer. I'm going to apply at the Sea Turtle Rescue/Rehabilitation place in South Padre. If I get the position, I'll get paid and they'll provide housing and I'll be doing some really amazing things and I'll be living on the beach. Fingers crossed. I'm also going to talk to Chris Bellows, my old mentor from Sea World, about getting some sort of research assistant position or something along those lines.

I can't believe it was just Christmas and it's 71 degrees outside. What's the deal, climate?

fight test.

Another Christmas come and gone. Another year come and gone...

I'm scared that I'm becoming bitter.

cash it in and throw it all away, never needed any of it anyway.

I'm trying to be a better person. I'm trying to be more understanding and less judgmental and a better friend and more self controlled and confident. It feels good.

I'm going to the zoo tomorrow.
Life just keeps on coming.

i've got nothing creative to title this entry with.

Lately I've been trying to keep myself focused on more positive and productive things. I made it through both Friday and Saturday night without drinking, which is a big feat for me. Especially because Saturday was my brother's birthday. 22 years old... man we're all getting old. The fellows over at the Warhol threw him a birthday party and five bands played, including the Dreamland Project and Slain Monarch. Both did a fantastic job. The boys are playing a show in Austin tonight at Red Eyed Fly so we're all going down for it. I'm pretty excited, it should be a good performance.

My grandma started hallucinating this morning. She claimed there was a mouse in the couch so we tore the cushions off and there was no mouse to be found. We were all a little weirded out... wondering if she was losing her mind or something. Then my mom read the information pamphlet for the antibiotics that my grandma is on and it turns out hallucinations can be caused by an allergic reaction to the medicine. Mystery solved and the case of the phantom mouse is officially closed.

Brady gave me a book entitled "The Path to Tranquility". It's a book full of positive quotations by the Dalai Lama, one for every day of the year. It's been good for me to just flip to a random page and read something that will make me think. I've been trying to take each quote and put it into play in my life, at least for that day. It's a start. And now, I'll leave you with a quote from the book that I appreciate:

"Time never waits but keeps flowing. Not only does time flow unhindered, but correspondingly our lives too keep moving onward all the time. If something goes wrong, we cannot turn back time and try again. In that sense, there is no genuine second chance."

as tall as lions.

If love comes your way,
don't be afraid.
Unlock the box your heart's encased.
Hope it won't change
and beware of the games
that she'll want to start playing.
Oh lately babe
I stay awake thinking this life
gets lonely.

Well maybe I'm just scared,
scared to let you go.
I want you to know,
right from hello,
your love just kept me wondering.
Well maybe I'm just tired,
tired of never knowing.

I know I'm not good enough for you.

If I can be saved,
show me the way.
Help me help myself baby.
Don't be confused,
our love is true.
Just tell by the way I'm looking at you.



Things are changing starting today.

lessons learned, seasons turned.

In the past 24 hours, two people have expressed how much of an influence I have had on them and what an inspiration I've been. To me, that is one of the biggest compliments I can receive. It just makes me feel so damn good to know that I've been able to help these two people and make their lives even a little bit more bright. I really feel like I'm finally becoming the type of friend and person that I have been wanting to be for so long. It is a very good feeling.

In addition to that, I passed and will get credit for all my classes from this semester, my external hard drive cord should be arriving tomorrow, I have been catching up with a lot of old friends, and have been reading an awesome book. I wrote a song this morning, too. I may be eating some mushrooms with a small group of amazing people tonight. At this rate, I should be winning the lottery soon. I feel like an incredibly lucky human being.

my body is a witch, i am burning it.

Things have been progressively improving over the past few days. Friday evening, Allison and I went to Ray's house for a bonfire/party. I was reminded just how awful I am at beer pong. The party was fun - I met some new people, had a good laugh, and kept warm by the fire. After a few hours, we headed to Roland's birthday party for a bit with my brother. I saw a ton of people I hadn't seen in ages, it was really nice. Andrew called while I was there, also, and it was really, really nice to talk to him, even though it was brief. We didn't stay at the party for too long and headed back to Ray's for a while. Around 4:30am, Allison and I decided to head back to my house for some rest.

Saturday night was spent with good people. We went to a party for the lead singer of Pygmaeus' birthday. After that, some of us headed to the Hydra Melody house. They ran out of cups for the keg so Deena and I were drinking beer out of a huge Captain Morgan's rum bottle. It was kind of amusing. Afterwards, we came back to my house and crashed.

Today I woke up with a sore throat and slight fever so I took it easy all day. I slept for the majority of the day, then woke up and ate some dinner. I spent the remainder of my evening watchng a marathon of House.

Things with friends have been getting better. I'm starting to become more aware of how I need to approach situations and I'm done putting up with any sort of crap. I've decided to just tell people the truth from now on. I know sometime the truth can hurt, but I really feel like some people just need to hear it and no one else is going to say it so I'm going to.

That's about it. It's 3am so I'm going to try to get some rest now.

i don't wanna sing, i don't wanna say no.

I'm trying really hard to just let go. I haven't heard from him in a week and, somehow, I don't think I will. Part of me thinks that it's better this way because it's forcing me to get over it and him, which is what I need to do anyways. He's in Australia, I'm not. It's hard, though. I don't really understand why he won't contact me, but I'm through trying to get into touch with him. If he wants to talk to me, he'll find a way.

Other than all that, things have been getting better. The Ampus room has been a sort of haven for me the past week. It's starting to look really fantastic and such good vibes flow through it. I feel so lucky to have such talented friends. I love laying on the floor of the room, lit only by the rope lights, listening to the music. It's therapeutic for me. Sometimes the music is loud and fast, other times it's slow and hypnotic. It is always good, though. The wall is also looking pretty rockin'. Everyone has been working on painting it and it's turning out really awesome.

So between the drum battles, the blunts, and the breakdowns (both musical and emotional), I think I'm going to be okay.

baptised in soft skin with bitten lips.

I feel like my head is so jumbled right now. Everything is just so fucking weird. As each day passes, I keep hoping for some relief from this temporary state of mild depression and it doesn't seem to come. I've been sleeping a lot, blaming the jet lag but knowing it's more than that. I just don't have the energy or the motivation to do anything, see anyone. I'm very aware that I need to just snap out of this because it's a little bit ridiculous but I can't bring myself to do it just yet. I feel like I just need more time to just soak up everything I'm feeling right now, the good and the bad. I have so much to work out in my life and in my mind. There is rebuilding to be done, friendships to rekindle, ties to be cut, and loves to be lost.

The idea that everything will become just a memory is so strange for me to think about.

we'd look good side by side walking back to the hotel.

I'm seeking some sort of spirituality in my life and I don't know where to begin to find it. Books? Meditation? I don't know. Maybe I just need to try a little bit of everything and see what works. I need to purge my life of the fears that I've been hanging on to and living with every day. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of death. I feel constantly weighed down, like I'm bearing some burden that is preventing me from living my life the way I want to. It's hard to just let go of these things, though, because they've been around for so long. I've realized I'm a very anxious person. I'm sure that's the reason why in the past fifteen years I haven't ever been able to stop biting my nails. I worry too much about stuff that is out of my control. I tend to dwell on things that aren't worth dwelling on. I just need to let all of it go and feel the release and be able to float through life.

I need something. And thus begins my search to find whatever it is I'm looking for.

some things in life may change and some things may stay the same.

I'm trying to reason out everything that is going on in my life right now. Part of me feels like I made a mistake leaving Australia so abruptly. However, I know that it wasn't a mistake. It was something that I had to do for myself, even though it was incredibly hard. It still is hard. It's hard to be home. It's all so strange, home should be a comfort. And I suppose it is to some extent, but at the same time it's so foreign to me. It just doesn't feel quite as right as I imagined it would. Things are different but the same at the same time. Perhaps I'm the one that's different. Realistically, it's probably just everything. It's crazy what time does... Time. I feel like time is one thing that I'm struggling to cope with right now. Unfortunately for me, time is one of the few things that is completely inescapable. I'm trying to comprehend the time that has gone by and the time that will continue to tick away and the moment that I'm living in right now. Past, present, and future. All so linked. What has happened in my past, recently and not so recently, will forever impact the way I live right now. And the way I live right now will determine the future. I think about all the people that I've met along the way. Some helped me, some hurt me, and some just made brief cameos yet made lasting impacts. People have taught me lessons and helped me grow and I hope to have returned the favor.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this but it feels good to get it out at least. I guess I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that life is constantly changing and what you want at one moment might not be what you end up with at the end of the metaphorical day. Sometimes life throws you those curve balls to keep you in check. Sometimes great things pass you by and slip from your grasp so that something even greater can come along. I really hope that what I feel right now isn't destined for this fate, but I believe that's my naivety speaking. Besides, six months down the road who knows what I'll feel, who I'll be, what I'll want. Somehow that is the beauty and the burden of the whole situation. I don't know what will happen then, but I know what I feel now.

I just need to enjoy the ride. I'm bound to end up somewhere good.

i haven't forgotten all our yesterdays.

So I'm back home in Texas. It was really hard for me to leave but it was something I had to do. Andrew and I spent like 20 minutes outside of the security gates just hugging each other and me crying. It was so hard to walk through those doors, so hard to say goodbye. Fuck, I miss him. But it is good to be home and it was good to see everybody, minus all the drama that always somehow finds it way into the good times. Now I'm just sitting around my room, unpacking and listening to music, thinking about how crazy life is.

"let's listen to some get up kids."

I arrived in Sydney safely and have been enjoying myself for the past few days, especially the weather. Things with Andrew and I have proved to be good, so long as we aren't drunk. We've just been lounging around for the most part, spending our days on the couch eating cereal and watching shows like Law & Order and Walker, Texas Ranger. Hah. Most of my days have been full of a whole lot of nothing, which is nice for a change. I'm pretty much in charge of entertaining myself, seeing as Andrew works five days a week. I've just been going to the beach for the most part. I got quite sunburned today. I was out in the sun from 10am to around 5pm with no sunscreen. Oops. Now I'm just at an internet cafe trying to kill time until he gets off work.

We went to this little club called The Laugh Garage the other night and saw some live stand up. It was good to do something different and the comedians were fairly decent. Andrew also signed up to do a stand up show on December 10th, which will be really funny to see.

As each day passes I can't believe how quickly my time here is running out. As of today, I have two weeks left before I head back to the states. Wow. Wow.

we're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl year after year.

The more I think about going home, the more nervous I get about it. From everything I've been able to keep up with, I can tell that things have changed a ton. People who used to be friends are now treating each other cruelly, people are not learning from past mistakes and expect to be forgiven, others are hanging out with people that I would rather not be associated with. With all this, I'm left wondering who I'm going to hang out with when I return. I can think of a few people but that's really about it. It's going to be so weird to go from my huge group of friends from the summer to not wanting to see anyone basically. I'm just tired of people for the most part I think, which is sad. I think that some people need to get a firmer grasp of who they are and what they stand for because they keep bouncing around, unsure of what they want or stuck in one mindset. For their own benefit I think they just need to take a step back sometimes and realize that just because people hang out with you doesn't mean they're your friend and just because people sleep with you doesn't mean they want you. I don't know if this is making sense, maybe I'm just ranting, but I needed to get it out somehow.

All I know is that I am 100% stoked to see my family, play my damn drums, and sleep in my own loud, squeaky bed. 22 days and counting.

in this life like weeds you're just a rock to me.

Byron Bay was such a blast. We arrived on Tuesday afternoon and the first thing I got was a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek from Andrew. It immediately put me in a good mood. We spent most of the day at the beach and then Andrew and I headed back to his hostel, went out for some drinks with Jeff and Jordan, and afterward had a few drinks (two bottles of vodka) before heading to Cheeky Monkey's. Wednesday I went out to brunch with him and his sister and then headed to the beach again. We got rained on, though, so we went to the Beach Hotel for some drinks. The rest of the day was us running around doing stuff before he had to catch his bus back to Sydney. It was sad to see him go but I'll be seeing him again in five days so I'm not too bummed. It was such a good visit, though, even though it was so short.

The rest of our time in Byron was spent tanning, snorkeling, and hanging out at the hostel for the most part. I sporadically decided to get my septum pierced on Thursday. We went to Nimbin, too, which was awesome. We arrived and ate some weed cookies and cake, got back on the bus and continued our adventure. The bus was like a rollercoaster ride and the driver was awesome and was playing sweet music for us to groove to. From Nimbin we headed to this hippy guy's place with acres and acres of rainforest that he planted all himself. He wasn't quite all there but the land was incredible. After that, we went to Minyon Falls which was unbelievable, too. The views that we got on the bus ride were so gorgeous and it was just such a fantastic day. We were left feeling exhausted afterwards and stayed in for our last night in town.

Sunday we went to the beach for a bit and caught some sun and swam. Then we walked around town for a while, trying to kill time until the bus came to bring us back to the Brisbane airport. I bought an Australian flag bikini for $12. I was quite proud of that purchase.

Finally the bus came and I slept for the entire 2 and a half hour duration of the drive. Then our flight was delayed two hours so we were stuck at the airport until 11:30pm. We finally arrived in Cairns around 2am and got back to the lodge around 3am. I was thoroughly exhausted and passed out soon after.

Today I have my lab to finish and then over the course of the next five days I have to study for and take two exams and say goodbye to all the people I've become so close with over the past four months. After all that, I head back down to Sydney to see Andrew one last time before leaving the country for home. It's frustrating that he and I can't see where this would go because we've only got three weeks left together... It sucks pretty hard, but I'm just trying to enjoy the time that we have. Still makes me sad, though.

And now, I'll leave you with a few photos.

the view at Minyon Falls.


Nimbin code of conduct.


Septum piercing.


Can't help but smile.

fuck you and your mass media toys that make being alive seem like a chore.

So Barack Obama will be the 44th president of the United States of America. Cool. I just hope that over the next few years we see the changes that we are in dire need of.

Today was the last day of classes and, go figure, I slept through my last Venomous Animals class. I blame it on the 4am bedtime that I had last night from working on my photography folio and my marine science lab reports. I got the majority of it done, though. This weekend will be spent relaxing, enjoying our last couple of days with Jeremy, and working on my Venomous Animals lab report which is due Monday. Then Monday I figure I'll do laundry, pack, and get ready for Byron Bay. I am very excited about it.

I feel like I've gained about ten pounds and it sucks. I need to get back into running. It's been about two weeks since I've gone and I feel like such a waste of space. Blech.

And I'll leave you all with a photo I took of Jeremy and Jeanne. It's one of my favorites.

we always have the rhythm here, in our blood and in our souls.

I can't believe it's already November. Time here really is running short. I have five more days of classes, nine days until we go to Byron Bay, 20 days until I go to Sydney, and 39 days until I get back to Texas. Wow. I have a lot to do before then...

Halloween was fun. I dressed up as Snoop Dogg. We went into the city and it was decent. That's pretty much all I have to say about it. I was incredibly hungover on Saturday so I laid in bed and watched 20 hours straight of Lost. It was pretty awesome, not gonna lie. I'm so addicted to that damn show.

I have to pick classes for next semester soon. That is stressing me out a bit.

Overall, I'd say I'm pretty content with things right now. Except for my skin, I keep getting pimples. Not cool. I never get pimples! It's getting to be a bit too hot and humid here for my taste...

girl, you gotta understand the modern man must hustle.

I'm really annoyed with myself right now. Last night I just spent the entire night stooping down to the level of the people who have been running their mouths. I hate feeling like that. I refuse to fight fire with fire. I'm just gonna stop while I'm ahead and ignore everything, be civil but not overly nice, and take it from there.

On another note, the Ultimate Party bus turned out to be ultimately lame. Maybe I was just having a bad night, but I didn't find it that fun. Definitely not worth $25 dollars + drinks. I knew I should have stayed in...

Today will consist of finishing my essay, doing laundry, hopefully booking our hostel for Byron Bay, and that's about it. Also, Andrew is going to join us in Byron Bay for a few days when he gets off work and I'm pretty excited about that.

with your cowboy mouth and your curfew plugs, who among them do you think could resist you?

I am the worst procrastinator in the world, I think. I stayed up until 2am last night to finish a presentation for my Venomous Australian Animals class that I thought was supposed to be given today. I had a really hard time sleeping last night to top it all off. I crawled into bed when I finally finished, laid for over an hour trying to sleep, dozed off for about two hours then woke up at 5:30am, dozed off for another hour and a half and then woke up at 7am to go to lecture (for the third time all semester, mind you). Even though I was a bit disappointed to find that the presentations aren't even going on this week, the lecture was really cool. We had a toxicologist come and talk to us about first aid for spider/snake bites and jellyfish stings. What a cool job would that be? I'm actually considering looking into it as a possible career.

During practical today, we are supposed to be doing first aid practice but instead I decided to stay at the lodge and write my essay for Indigenous Studies (let's just hope I'll never need to utilize any snake bite first aid...!). It's not due until Monday but I know if I don't do it today I'll be hating myself for it later. It's such a gorgeous day outside and it sucks to be stuck indoors, though. I use my frequent cigarette breaks as a way to escape from my stale room and get some fresh air. I'm about a fifth of the way done with my essay and it's only 1:30pm so I should be able to finish by this evening. Hopefully.

On Saturday we're doing the "Ultimate Party Bus" thing for Margerithe's 21st birthday. It should be fun, I'm looking forward to it. The theme is "tight and bright" so I've got to go to Salvation Army at some point and find an appropriate outfit. I'm crossing my fingers to find some sort of awesome gold, sequined dress or something equally tacky.

I'm really looking forward to the two weeks that we have before exams start. Due to financial reasons, I didn't think that I'd be able to take any trips or do much of anything, but my mom was a doll and threw some more money on my card. So now Lauren, Cece, Jeanne, and I are taking a five day vacation down to Byron Bay and I am mega-excited. We found a sweet deal on plane tickets ($240 round trip to Brisbane) and we'll take a bus from Brisbane to Byron Bay. Andrew was a sweetheart, also, and is going to book us a room at a backpackers hostel and is getting us the first two nights for $30. Total cost for travel and accommodation is going to be about $410 AUD, which is less than $300 USD. Sweet deal. We're going to eat sandwiches and canned soup to save money. We're also looking into going hang gliding while we're there and the hostel rents out boogie boards for free. It is going to be awesome.

Okay, enough procrastinating with blogging and Facebook. Time to get back to work on my essay and listen to some Bob Dylan.

it's usually so typical, a piece of you for a piece of me.

These days I'm finding the greatest pleasure in the little things. I'm straying from my old self, I feel, towards a new, not necessarily improved, but different person. I find my desires to do certain things I used to find really fun are quickly diminishing and I prefer to spend my days being a bit more productive. It's nice for a change.

I had a really good conversation with Owen on our bike ride yesterday about all the things we've learned since being in Australia and all the people we've met. We both realized we have pushed ourselves out of our comfort zones in so many different ways during our time here. We've become friends with people that we never thought we'd be friends with. He and I, for example. He's a dedicated runner who isn't a big drinker and doesn't smoke and I smoke cigarettes all the time, pot occassionally, and I drink excessively sometimes. Yet we've become really good friends. Same with Jeanne - I was thinking about it the other day. When I first met her I never imagined that we'd be as close as we are now. I'm just really grateful for all the people I've met and how much they have affected me and the way I live my life. It's really incredible how much of an impact people can have and I'm pretty convinced that everyone has come into my life for one reason or another. Life is so good.

Anyways, today is another Wednesday off for me. I'm going to spend it doing a few little things that I've been meaning to get around to. I have some stuff to pick up in Smithfield so maybe I'll ride my bike over there. I've also got some work to get done for next week, so I think I'll start some of that today as well. For now, though, I'm just waiting for lunch while listening to my 8500 songs on shuffle on my iTunes.

i don't snap on like you want me to because it still hurts my eyes when they turn red.

Phwew. I am exhausted. I drank my weekend away. Friday I went out with Sherie and Michelle and it was a really good time. I danced until I was sweating my ass off and drank free cocktails at Mad Cow. Saturday I planned on going out but ended up staying in, smoking with the boys, and drinking red wine. At around 1am I got a phone call from my mom saying that she had talked ot Qantas and if I wanted to change my flight I needed to do it right then. So I drunkenly called Qantas, and after an hour of brief conversations and lots of hold music, I changed my flight successfully. I now leave Cairns on November 22nd and leave Sydney to come back to the states on December 11th. The change cost me almost $700, which is absolutely ridiculous, but I'm hoping that it will all be worth it in the end.

Sunday everyone got back from the field trip and was ready to go out, so for the fourth night in a row I downed the booze and went out dancing. We went to Mad Cow and the Pier. It was a good night. I didn't fall asleep until 5am, though, and had to get up at 8am for class. It was awful, needless to say. I went to class for half an hour and then decided I desperately needed to come back and sleep. I napped until dinnertime and then spent most of the rest of the evening working on our group photography project that is due tomorrow. It's very tedious and still not finished. We're all going to work on it tomorrow before class. We are very bad procrastinators.

I can't believe how quickly I'm running out of time here. It makes me sad to think about whether or not I'm going to see everyone again. This has been the most incredible experience ever. I'm going to enjoy my few weeks here. I plan on getting as tan as possible, continuing my running, going out occassionally (but not too much for money's sake), and just chilling. I've got quite a few assignments due coming up, too, so I should probably get those done...

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth.

Yesterday I went to the beach for what seemed like the first time in forever. Cece and I rode bikes down to Trinity Park and camped out there for a few hours. I tanned topless for the first time in my life and I'm regretting that I didn't slather on some sunscreen because BOY are my boobs sunburned. Besides that, it was really nice to get some sun again. I sat out with my book (Down Under by Bill Bryson), a chilled bottled of white wine, and my iPod and spent four hours unwinding. It was very nice, needless to say.

I didn't go running yesterday because I was exhausted from the sun and wine. I fell asleep pretty much as soon as I got home. I woke up in time for dinner and ate, then went and bought some mighty fine boxed wine. We spent the rest of the evening drinking, playing pictionary, chatting, playing guitar, and adventuring to campus to climb on roofs. We laid on the roof and looked at the moon and stars and ate cheese and bacon balls and talked, every now and then having to hide from janitors and security guards. I also almost set the roof on fire by dropping my zippo, after which we decided to entitle the Facebook photo album "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire". We're clever.

We came back to the lodge and I caught a gecko, we played more guitar, I badly bruised my leg during an attempted cartwheel, and then, realizing it was already 5am, I decided to go to sleep. Not suprisingly, I slept through lecture this morning. I woke up around 11am, quickly (and half-assedly) finished my powerpoint presentation and e-mailed that and my essay (which was due last week...) to Jamie. Then I fell back asleep and woke up around 2:30pm to find that I had slept through lab. Shame on me.

The upside of all this is that today is Friday and it is the weekend. I'm feeling good about things. I'm still in shock that classes end in three weeks and I'll be leaving Cairns in six. I'm excited about having a few weeks in Sydney to relax and reflect on where life is going to take me.

so now let all the light that collects on your plants keep your warm, make you smile.

I feel like I need a serious emotional, physical, and spiritual cleansing ASAP.

you're the best thing that i've ever found, handle me with care.

My first week back from break has been, well, like an extended break. I still haven't been to class since the Monday before break. I was all ready to go to class today and then Grant reminded me that it was canceled because Jaime was going out of town. Fantastic. So now I have the entire day to myself. I should be doing homework, really, because I have a ton to catch up on, but I'll save that for the remainder of the weekend.

We've just been watching a ton of movies and hanging out at the lodge. Tuesday evening we watched Deathproof and I was so glad that everyone loved it. It's such an awesome movie, who wouldn't? Wednesday I watched the Patriot and it definitely wasn't as good as I remembered. I found myself getting incredibly bored. Last night we watched Planet Terror to complete Grindhouse and it was awesome.

Tonight is supposed to be Oktoberfest in town, but I'm not sure I feel like going out this weekend. I feel a bit burnt out, honestly. Plus, I have all that work to do. Who knows. We'll see where the day takes me. But for now, a little bit of It's Always Sunny and a nap sounds key.

OH! I almost forgot! I got another tattoo yesterday. It's a Banksy piece. Check it out:

don't worry i'll catch you, don't ever worry.

Wow. What can I say about the past ten days. They were seriously amazing. I did some things that I never thought I would do (skydiving), met so many awesome, wonderful people, got closer with my friends, and learned a lot about myself. As we're all going through the pictures from the trip, it's just reminding me of all the good times we've had. It's good to be home, though. I'm definitely planning on heading back to Sydney at the end of the semester if money permits... And now, here are some pictures from the trip. Only a sample, I've got over 300 of 'em.

Our friend, Greg, whom we met at our hostel in Melbourne.

The view of Melbourne from the observation deck.



Feeding a giraffe at the Taronga Zoo in Sydney.



Surfing outside of Sydney (I stood up on my first try!)



Skydiving.

I feel like one damn lucky human being.

this shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

Surfing today was amazing. We did a lesson on shore about how to stand up and how to paddle, then we jumped into the water. Apparently I'm a natural because I was up and riding a wave my very first try. By the end I was standing up and riding every single wave I tried. I am ridiculously sore, though. Everything from my waist up is just stiff. Very worth it, though.

The trip ends tomorrow with skydiving, then our flight back to Cairns.

hold up, hell no, like britney spears i wear no drawers.

The last leg of our trip is proving to be a very adventurous one. Thursday we went to The University of Sydney's gym and used the rock wall. It was my first time rock climbing and it was a little bit scary and quite tiring. I had a really good time, though. After we got back to the hostel, we ate some food and then went to Scubar for a few drinks. We came back pretty early, though, because we had to get up at 6am this morning for sky diving (!!).

We woke up and caught our bus to the facilities. It was rainy so we had to wait around for a while to see if it would clear up. Unfortunately, it did not and we weren't able to jump. We're rescheduled for Monday, which means we will go jump out of an airplane (14,000 feet in the air) and then we get to go get back into an airplane and head back to school. I'm quite horrified to think about what the free fall will feel like, but hopefully it will be fun and go smoothly.

Tomorrow, Lauren and I are doing a day long surf trip. I'm really excited about it. I'm probably going to be awful, though, because I'm usually just not good at these sort of things (ie: water skiing, wakeboarding, etc). This trip is proving to be an amazing one.

ooh girl, shock me like an electric eel.

Currently in Sydney at a little internet cafe next door to our hostel. No time for a full blown update, but let's just say Sydney is awesome and we've met some cool people and our hostel is neato and I got to feed a giraffe at the Taronga Zoo. We're leaving Monday, and over the next three days we have rock climbing, surfing, and sky diving in mind.

I'll update when I get back to Cairns (which I'm very much looking forward to, traveling is stressful!).

"choose the highest bidder" was my answer when they told me i was up for sale.

Melbourne has been amazing. We got here Thursday at around midnight and came to the Home Traveller's Motel. We were stuck in a 6 person room, but it was cheap and a place to stay. Little did we know how much we would grow to love this hostel. The people have been amazing and the atmosphere is unmatched. We stayed here Thursday through Saturday, then were forced to leave on Sunday because there wasn't any room for us. We went to Cooee, another hostel down the road, and were immediately turned off by it. The staff was unfriendly, as were our roommates, and the atmosphere was just really stiff and strict. We originally booked two nights there, but after ten minutes we all realized we didn't want to stay for both nights. We called Home Traveller's and luckily they had an opening for tonight so we booked it and came back.

The past few days have gone by so fast. I can't believe we're already leaving Melbourne tomorrow. We've been exploring St. Kilda and downtown. It's been filled with a lot of shopping, walking, drinking, eating out, and guitar playing/singing. We've met some great people here - lots of Irish people and some cool Brits. There have also been some awful people (two mainly) one of which being a roommate we had the second night here. He was an older Israeli guy and was creepy from the get go. We came back to our room after a Friday night out around midnight and we were drunk and giggly and he started to get really angry with us, telling us to shut up and such. He just kept going on about it and finally our Irish roommate, Owen, told him to let it go. That angered him even more and he started threatening to punch Owen. Jeanne and I went downstairs to reception at that point, and they ended up kicking him out.

I'm sad that tonight is our last night in town, but it has been a wonderful visit. I'm looking forward to Sydney and surfing, rock climbing, and more adventures.

you can sit on chimneys, get some fire up your ass.

Well guys, I'm off to Melbourne for five days, then Sydney for another five! I'll try to post updates while I'm traveling, but who knows when I'll get internet access. Otherwise, see you in ten days!

you used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that.

Time is flying by, as usual. Another week gone. Friday night we drank tequila, played Pictionary, then went to the city for a bit. I came back earlier, I just wasn't feeling it for some reason.

I was so hungover all day on Saturday, it was god awful. That afternoon, Cece, Jeanne, and I went to AJ Hackett, the bungee jump place down the road. We all did this Minjin Jungle Swing thing. Basically you get strapped in then you get pulled backwards. When you get to the top, you pull the ripcord and go soaring down through the rainforest. For those of you that still don't know what I'm talking about (and are from San Antonio), it's like the Screaming Sky Coaster they used to have at Six Flags, except this one is in the middle of the rainforest. It was so much fun, I screamed my face off. Cece was laughing at me so much because of my screams and I was shaking. It was really scary, but when it was over we had so much fun that we decided to do it one more time.

After that, I think I had my adrenaline rush for the day, but Cece and Jeanne did a tandem bungee jump. It was awesome to watch. I'm going to do it next time, even if I'm horrified and pee my pants. You only live once, right?

Afterwards, we walked back to the lodge and had dinner. Then I took a little nap because I hadn't had a good night's sleep all week. I woke up around 8:30pm, smoked a little bit, then watched Back to the Future 2 and went to sleep. It was a perfect, quiet Saturday night.

I have so much homework to do today and the rest of this week, it's ridiculous. I have a presentation for my Indigenous Cultures class that I have to do for tomorrow. I also have an annotated bibliography due for that class the Monday after break, along with an essay for my Venomous Australian Animals class. Since I'm not going to be back in town until Tuesday, and I don't plan on doing any work while I'm away for break, I have to get it done before I leave, which is Thursday. I'm so excited about going to Melbourne and Sydney with the girls. It's going to be a blast. We're going to try to see some live music in Melbourne and putz around. I wanna do surf lessons, as well. And we're planning on going rock climbing in Sydney. Tonight I think we're going to figure out what hostels we're staying at and try to much some sort of tentative itinerary for the ten days we're going to be gone. Agghh, I'm stoked.

I've been really digging the song "Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl" by Broken Social Scene lately.
Okay, I've really got to do my work now and the adderall is kicking in big time. Ciao!

i miss my bad marijuana and mushrooms, they treat me hella bad when i'm sittin' in customs.

Today was a wonderful day. After staying up until ridiculous hours of the night working on my lab report, I decided to hit the hay and finish it in the morning. So I woke up, missed class, and finished the lab. Jeanne and I went over to campus to print and turn them in, then came back to the lodge to see that today was a hot lunch day, which was exciting. Afterwards, Cece, she, and I went with Gavin to the city. We went to Body Funk and I bought a new lip ring, got my bar shortened, and got my other nipple pierced. Gavin got his ear pierced and Cece got her rook done.

Then we went shopping. And it all goes down hill from here. I spent so much money today. I bought a purse, two new pairs of sunglasses, one ridiculous pair of HUGE sunglasses in the shape of stars, an oven mitt for my mother, and some other nonsense that I don't remember. Either way, the total cost of today was about $140. Australian dollars, that is, so really it was less in U.S. dollars. It was such a good day, though. We laughed a lot.

The races on Saturday were amazing as well. It felt so awesome to get all dressed up and everybody there looked amazing. The horse races were cool to watch and the boys bet some money and actually won. Everyone went clubbing afterwards, but I was exhausted so I just came back to the lodge and we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas and drank beers.

Now, I'm going to bike with Owen, eat dinner, then watch Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion and hit the hay early.

your good intentions count for little anymore. if you're sorry then why wage war?

Today was a good day. I watched an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and then I ate a hearty dinner. Afterwards, we began to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which was very good. In the middle of the movie we were pleasantly interrupted by Karlie to go into the city to go shopping for dresses. The amateur horse races are in Cairns this weekend and I am thoroughly excited. I bought an awesome black and white dress ($70, yikes!) and some red jewelry to go with it. I'm so excited about dressing up, you have no idea. It's going to be a really good weekend. I'm looking forward to sipping champagne and watching horse racing.

Also, today Jared removed the virus from my computer, thank god. It was becoming a serious nuisance. I'm just glad everything is back to normal.

Well, what do you know? Tomorrow is Friday, thus beginning another weekend. Time is flying by. I've already been in classes for seven weeks. I have the feeling that this weekend will be different from the rest, though. Let's just hope the weather improves...

some may say this might be your last farewell ride.

I haven't drank at all since Saturday night and it feels great. We've just been hanging out and watching movies pretty much, smoking a few joints occasionally. Tuesday we watched Knocked Up and yesterday we watched Back to the Future I. Next on our list is Pleasantville, the other two Back to the Futures, and Hocus Pocus. I've even started to work out again. Yesterday I went biking with Owen while he ran. Then I went for a run of my own to campus and back. I repeated this today, except with a longer bike ride with Owen. My legs are a bit sore but it feels good. Let's see if I can keep it up.

The races are this weekend and I'm pretty excited. For those of you that don't know, "the races" is horse racing. It's going on in Cairns this weekend. Everyone gets all dressed up and afterward goes out to the bars and the clubs and parties. Karlie, Jeanne, and I are going to go buy fancy dresses to wear tonight. I'm really excited.

School has been somewhat of a bummer this week. I have a lab due on Monday and a presentation to work on for next week. Plus the weather just makes it a hassle to walk to and from campus. I'm ready for the sunshine again.

but you don't really care for music, do you?

The weekend was interesting. I'm going to stop drinking so much, I believe.

I had my first test yesterday and I think it went well. The weather is crap today and I really don't feel like walking to campus in the rain. Lame.

I wish I had more to update with. I've been in a weird mood lately. Feeling a bit empty.

i can tell you this much, i will marry just once and if it doesn't work out give him half of my stuff. it's fine with me, we said eternity.

The past few days have been really good. I've been feeling a bit ill but besides that, things are well. I had a great day on Monday. I skipped class and slept a little late and then went over to Chris and Devon's apartment with Jeanne and Cece. We made some sangria and Cece did some laundry while we waited for Devon to get back from campus. When he returned, we hopped a bus into town and went out for lunch at The Pier. I had a burger and fries with a pint of beer and it was delicious. After lunch, we headed to Body Funk to get pierced. Cece got her tongue done and I got my nipple pierced. I still can't believe I actually did it. It didn't hurt as bad as I expected. But I'm glad I went through with it. It's still a bit sore but I'm diggin' it.

Last night we went out to Trinity Park and shot off a potato gun. It was pretty fun. And tonight we set off a bottle rocket in the middle of the courtyard. It was pretty awesome. I also caught two toads tonight (after a bottle of wine) for my zoology class. Glad that's out of the way. Now all I have to do is get my photography folio done and study for that indigenous cultures test on Monday...

I've been noticing lately that pretty much all the guys treat me like a guy. That's all well and fine, you know, because I'm kind of used to it at this point. I just get along with guys better. But I just wish that, regardless of my somewhat tomboy-ish personality, I'm still a feminine girl. And I wish they would treat me like it sometimes. I don't know. Some of 'em can be kinda mean at times, too. I guess I ask for it by having the personality that I do, eh?

her offbeat dance makes me fantasize, her curves - she's sexy.

I'm learning so much about myself every single day, good and bad. I can already tell this experience is going to change me incredibly.

i'm useless but not for long, the future is coming on.

This weekend has been fantastic. After an interesting night at Mad Cow on Thursday involving a certain contest, I was ready to not go back to the city for a few days. Friday we celebrated Matt's birthday by bonging as much as we could. He bonged a bottle of white wine, a gin and tonic, and a ton of beer. He puked so, so much. It was hilarious. He wasn't even puking because he was drunk, either. His stomach was just so full of liquid and he couldn't hold it down.

After the festivities, I went to bed and had to wake up at 6:30am on Saturday for a field trip. We went to Green Island and did a field study on the reef. We walked around and saw a bunch of really cool stuff like an octopus and a puffer fish. I got a bit sunburned and I spent $60 on a bathing suit (but it's really cute!). After the field trip we got back to the lodge, ate a quick dinner, then headed to Trinity Park for the bonfire. It was a lot of fun, minus the huge ants that were crawling around everywhere and a tiny bit of drizzle. We got back and hung out in Andy's room for a bit, then I went to bed.

Today I spent the entire day in the sun. Cece and I started to lay out at around 11am in the courtyard and then moved to the pool because it was so damn hot. The pool was chilly but it was so refreshing. I opted against going to Crystal Cascades with the boys and ended up going to the Beaches to swim at that pool. We just got back about half an hour ago, so I was in the sun from 11am - 4pm today. I'm quite burnt. The pool also washed a ton of the dye out of my hair, so I'm sitting here with more pink dye settling in my hair as I type this.

Oh! My lab on Friday was awesome, too (minus the hangover). We cut open cane toads and injected adrenaline + other things directly into their hearts and got to monitor the effect on the heart rate. It was neat.

So I think that catches you up on the past few days. I'm going to go wash the dye out of my hair now.

i'm just goin' through the motions.

The pink hair has returned. And boy is it pink. I love it.

Cece, Jeanne, and I hung out all evening and drank wine and dyed my hair. It was fun. Then I went to bed early. Now, here I am at 10:28am, trying to figure out what to do with the first of my two weekly days off. I'm going to need to go to school to check out a camera so I can get my four pictures taken for my folio that's due next week. Maybe that will involve a trip to Trinity Park for some beach shots. Kill two birds with one stone - relaxing day at the beach PLUS getting some homework done.

Eh, who knows. We'll see where the day goes. Unfortunately, I also feel like I might be on the brink of getting sick again. I'm definitely overloading my body with cigarettes and wine. I'll give myself a break for a few days and hopefully my sore throat/cough will clear up.

clean out the reds in my eyes to get by security lines.

And it's Monday again. The weekends seem to go by so fast. Saturday night was fun, we all went out to Gilligan's and danced. Then we drunkenly wandered around the city, caught the bus, and got back to the lodge around 4am. I ended up staying up until past 7am, then finally passed out. I woke up at 1pm and hung out all day. Me and the boys sat around by the pool and drank beer for the majority of the afternoon. Later, we watched a few episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, then I went to bed early. It was a nice Sunday.

Now I'm in class during our break. Only an hour and a half to go... Yikes. Three hours is a long stretch. A nap will be much needed this afternoon.

if the plane goes down, damn, i'll remember where the love was found.

The weather has finally cleared up and today was the first sunny day in too long. We woke up after a long night at the beach party, ate lunch, and headed to the beach. We ran into Matt there, and we all tanned and played around in the water a bit and listened to music. It was really relaxing, just what I needed. I felt like I hadn't been to the beach in a while. The sky was the most vibrant blue color, it was beautiful. I buried my feet in the sand and watched the waves crashing onto the beach. Therapeutic, to say the least.

Now that I'm showered and sand-free, I'm waiting for dinner and then we'll see where the night takes us.

you can wake up sounder if you get analyzed.

Last night was hilarious. I'll leave it at that.

I had my first real lab for my Venomous Australian Animals class today. It was actually really fun. We had to determine protein concentrations in anti-venoms. I worked with Dave and Grant and we were spot on with all our results and finished before almost everyone. It was awesome. Now I'm home and waiting for dinner. There is a big party out at Trinity Park tonight that we're all going to. Hopefully the weather cooperates. It's a bit drizzly and very overcast right now.

I'm glad the weekend is here.

we treat mishaps like sinking ships, and i know that i don't wanna be out to drift.

I feel like I'm doubting myself in a lot of ways. I don't like the feeling. I'm used to being totally sure of myself and of who I am and I feel like recently I've sort of lost that. I have a slight idea of where it is stemming from, but that's only the beginning.

I wish I had more close friends here. I love Cece, but as far as everyone else, I can't help but feel a rift between us. They're really nice people, but I just can't help but feel like we're just very different and it makes it hard for me to really open up to them. I wish that things with Matt and I weren't so weird/awkward (though I'm not sure why it is so much) because I really enjoy hanging out with him and Andy. They're the type of people that I would be friends with normally. Laid back, funny, and I have a good time with them. Half the time I feel like they just don't want me around, though. I just don't get it.

I love it here, I just wish I had more people around me that I could really get to know. It's tough to not have a real support system when I'm so used to having a really stable one. I don't know. I just feel alone.

eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.

I love life. That's really all I have to say right now.

this is the first day of my life.

The basketball game last night was fun. The preceding hour was not. We took the bus into Cairns and were going to walk to the arena from there. Mapquest said it was a 25 minute walk, straight shot. So we walk and we finally hit the street that it's supposed to be on. And it's not there. So we walk down the street more. I'm wearing my flip flops and they're giving me awful blisters and we're on a sketchy side of town and we just keep walking. An hour later we finally find it. I got some french fries and a beer and I felt better. Purdue lost, but it was a good game.

We grabbed a taxi back into the city and caught the bus back to the lodge. We then headed to Chris and Devon's apartment for their little shindig. It was fun. I crashed there and ate scrambled eggs in the morning and sat by the pool. Then I came back to the lodge and did some homework and now here I am. I just ate dinner and I am stuffed. It was my first real meal of the day and I overdid it a bit, but oh well. I think I will head down to Andy's room in a bit and play some Wii then go to bed early.

So it's back to school tomorrow. My week off has made me even more lazy/apathetic, but it's what I'm here for so I've gotta just suck it up and go.

the good times are killing me.

Nothing eventful to write about, really. I've just been hanging out. We went fishing yesterday afternoon but didn't catch anything. Well, I take that back - I caught a shirt.

This evening, Cece and I are going into the city to see a basketball game. Purdue is playing the Cairns Taipans, and Cece goes to Purdue so we're gonna go cheer them on. Afterwards, I believe there is a party at Chris and Devon's new apartment.

Other than that, I've been fairly hungover all day. It was partially cured with peanut butter and jelly, though. That's about it. Now I'm off to eat dinner and head to the game.

lost at sea you drift to me and into someone's nightmare.

I bought a bike today! And I'm so glad that I did. It was a wonderful purchase. Jeanne and I both got bikes, hers is hilarious. She bought a child's bike and it's all colorful and stuff.

After dinner, Matt took me on a bike tour of some of the area. We went to this pet cemetery and read old headstones for peoples' dogs. Then we biked to Yorkey's Knob, which is another beach in the area. We sat out there for a while but the mosquitoes were eating us alive so we left. I was thoroughly exhausted after the bike ride, which was about an hour long, and Matt had barely lost his breath. I am quite out of shape, I suppose. I'm gonna have to get on that.

We were all going to go fishing tonight because it's supposed to be one of the best nights of the year, but we didn't leave early enough. I think we are going to go tomorrow afternoon, though.

I feel a million times better today. My throat has stopped hurting pretty much entirely and I can eat again!

we'll do our jobs 'till we break down and fall.

Sometimes I have a really hard time reading people. Actually, that's a lie. I'm normally excellent at it. But now I don't know. This is buggin' me, yo.

I wonder if this is my most tagged posted.
Now I'm going to lay in bed and listen to Electric President.

and the verdict is in:

I have tonsillitis. Suuuucks. I got antibiotics, though, along with some more throat lozenges, so I should be feeling infinitely better in 48 hours. It still hurts too much to eat, which sucks because at this point I'm starving, but oh well. I'm very much looking forward to feeling better and having a good, hearty meal.

I need to buy a bike.

keep on playing our favorite song, turn it up while i'm gone, it's all i've got when you're in my head.

Two days later and I still feel like complete shit. I have a doctors appointment in about an hour and a half so hopefully I'll get some medicine and be on the road to recovery. It's about time. I woke up this morning around 7am just crying because my throat hurt so bad. Let's hope for some antibiotics to kick this shit out of my body.

Yesterday, Cece and I were planning to move out of the lodge. There are these apartments not far from here, still close to JCU, called the Beaches, that seemed too good to be true. And, indeed, they ended up being just that. It's $300 a week, split between two people, which is $100/week less than what we're paying at the lodge. It has queen size beds, a kitchen (self catered), two separate bathrooms, etc... But it turns out that you need to lease for atleast 6 months (which isn't possible for us) and it also requires a $1600 dollar deposit. That's money that I don't have. So for now, it looks as though we're stuck at the lodge. I guess it could be worse, atleast the people here are cool.

That's all for now. Oh, wait, one more thing: I'm contemplating getting one of my nipples pierced. The only thing stopping me is the potential pain. What would mommy say...? Oh dear.

I still can't believe the life I'm living.

so sick, so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick.

I have had the worst luck with my health since I've been here. First, it was the issues with my knee, which are just now starting to feel better. Every now and then I feel a twinge of pain, though. And NOW, I think that I have strep throat. I've got a really high fever, my throat is really swollen and it hurts to talk and swallow, I'm achy, and I just overall feel like shit. Cece has been good to me tonight. She walked to the pharmacy with me and I got some over the counter medicine to take away the aches, sore throat, and fever. Then she went to dinner with me, made me hot tea, and got me ice cream. She's going to go to the doctor with me after she gets off of work tomorrow. I'm very appreciative of it.

Well, I'm going to curl up on the couch, eat some cough drops, and watch the Olympics. I'll probably pass out afterwards. Damn, it's not even hot in my bedroom and I'm dripping sweat as I type this. I hope I feel better soon. I feel bad missing classes the second week. I just have photography tomorrow and then Wednesday and Thursday off, so hopefully I can get back on Friday and feel better.

let go, jump in, well whatcha waiting for?

Today we went to Crystal Cascades. It's a river with a couple of waterfalls. It was so amazingly gorgeous.

We swam and tanned and hung out for a few hours. The water was freezing cold but it was a nice escape from the heat. We also saw this really cool monitor lizard thing:

My first week of class went well. For my Venomous Australian Animals lab, the professor was letting us know how serious the venoms we'll be working with our. They could potentially kill every single person in the room. It's a bit frightening knowing that we'll be working with the most lethal venoms in the world up close - so many things could potentially go wrong. It's quite exciting, though.

Other than that, I've just been partying and sight seeing and meeting people and enjoying myself. I'm potentially thinking of staying for New Years and going to Sydney for it. We'll see what happens..

i shall avenge the death of all the romance.

The past couple of days are a kind of blur. My head has been jumbled and I haven't quite felt like myself. I've got to sort some things out before it eats away at me.

Classes have been good so far. Monday I had my indigenous cultures class and my tropical marine science class. Both were decent. Tuesday I had my photography class. We just got to fuck around with the cameras for a while. It was fun. Tomorrow I have my Venomous Australian Animals class. I'm stoked.

Yesterday a bunch of us walked down to Trinity Park beach and spent the day tanning and fishing. Dave and Mike were the only ones that caught anything, but it was still a lot of fun. We drank beer and smoked a few joints on the beach, listened to music, told Chuck Norris jokes, and talked and talked and talked. Mike found a coconut on the beach and we cracked it open and ate it. It was a really good day, although I think everyone got slightly sunburned.

I have today off of school again. Not sure what my plans are for the day. Hopefully I'll get some quiet, alone time to figure myself out.

each beat, every note played perfectly by you.

Yikes. It's 5am and I'm sleepless. Today is the first day of classes. I feel pretty apathetic about it. Normally I get excited about school but here, school is just putting a damper on the relaxing atmosphere. Oh well, it's what I'm here for and I'm sure once things pick up I'll get more into it.

So the Great Barrier Reef trip was absolutely amazing. The water was a bit cold for my taste, but everything was so beautiful. I was surprised at how clear the water was and how much you could see. Snorkeling was fun and I got to see a lot of really amazing, colorful fish - including Wally, a huge wrasse!

After snorkeling in the cold water, we would get out and go up to the sundeck and warm ourselves back up, then repeat. I got a lovely, pink sunburn, complete with a goggles tan. It was definitely an amazing experience. As I was in the water, I kept thinking, "Holy shit. I'm snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef right now."

That's all I've got for now. I'll write later and let you all know how classes were.

even though i haven't seen you in years, yours is a funeral i'd fly to from anywhere.

I am absolutely exhausted. Today was way too long of a day for the night I had last night. We went out to this bar called Mad Cow's, where there were 1$ drink specials. Enough said. I danced on the bar and all over Cairns. They played the YMCA in Rhino Club and it was awesome.

Cece woke me up this morning at around 9am and then, after lunch, we walked to Smithfield and I got a cell phone. I went to get it activated and then was told that I couldn't without my passport. So we had to walk the 30 minute walk all the way back to the lodge, my knee hurting all the while. I retrieved my passport and we took the bus back to the mall. I got the phone turned on so now I've got a way to be in contact with people, which is nice. I also bought some face wash and an ice pack for my knee. We hopped on the bus to head back and were distracted by my new cell phone and we missed our stop. We rode the bus all the way to Palm Cove and back around. I was so nauseous the entire time, I had to close my eyes and take deep breaths. I really thought I was going to hurl on the bus.

Now I'm sitting here, waiting for 5:30 to roll around so I can eat dinner. I'm starving. Missing breakfast this morning really fucked with my hunger today. Tonight I'm taking it easy because I have a long, early day tomorrow. I have to be at JCU at around 7:30am because I'm going on a trip to the Great Barrier Reef! I am mega-excited for it. We're going to go snorkeling and stuff. Maybe I'll see some lovely sea turtles. I want to find a way to take pictures underwater.

I like having my entire iTunes library on shuffle. It reminds me of all the wonderful music I have.

your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by.

I'm in a bad mood. I'm just feeling very annoyed. I'm stuck inside (by choice, yes, but it is a necessary choice) while everyone goes to the beach today. My knee is getting worse and I need to take a few days to, hopefully, help it heal. Not only am I missing out on the beach, but there is also a toga party on campus tonight that I'm missing, too. So here I am, sitting in my room, alone. No one from home is even online for me to talk to, either. Everyone is busy doing their own thing.

Classes start on Monday and I'm hoping that my knee is better by then. If not, I have to go to the doctor which means that I have to go into town and get my health card activated or something. Which requires more walking. Great.

And to make things worse, I'm slowly but surely running out of cigarettes, which means I'm inching closer to the time when I will have to quit. Cigarettes are way too expensive here (over $10 a pack) for me to continue smoking.

I think I'll just sleep for the rest of the day.

all our favorites were playin' so we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.

The beach yesterday was gorgeous. I had such a good time. We bought some Toohey's Extra Dry beer and I got slightly tipsy while taking it all in. I had Jason Mraz playing in my ears and some good people around me and I had to close my eyes and just breathe.

The bus ride back was nice, as well, although it was longer than anticipated and I really had to pee. We passed a couple of fields full of wallabies, which was cool. Also, instead of deer crossing warning signs, here there are kangaroo signs. That was comical to me.

We came back and chilled out and I drank some wine and then went to bed before 10pm. I've been getting up really early since I've been here and it's been nice for a change. Also, my knee is really fucked up. I don't know what I did, but the past couple of days it has been terribly painful when I walk, and almost unbearable when I go up or down the stairs. I've been pitifully hobbling around. I'm going to rest it and ice it for a few days, and if it hasn't improved I'll have to go to the doctor.

All the orientation stuff was today, so I was at school from 9am until around noon. My schedule isn't too bad. Monday I have class from 10am until 2pm, and then I have a lab for my marine science class. Tuesdays I just have my photography class from 1pm until 4pm. Wednesdays and Thursdays I have off, and Fridays I have my Venemous Animals in Australia class. Two of my classes are video lectures, also, which is weird...

Right now I'm relaxing for an hour or so before I have to head back to campus to go to my last few things. They're throwing a barbecue and serving kangaroo, which I am excited about trying. I've still yet to try Vegemite, though...

what is love and what is hate?

So, as promised, thus begins a lengthy (or atleast more detailed) post about my adventure down under up to this point.

I arrived at around noon on the 26th, after a 13 hour flight from L.A. to Brisbane, and another two hour flight from there to Cairns. After getting slightly hassled by customs for a pair of wooden drum sticks, I finally made it outside and took my first breath of Australian air, crisp and fresh. The weather was amazing and I stared out the window with my mouth gaping open on the ride to my accommodations. Everything is so green and vibrant and beautiful. After getting settled in my room, I went and sat by the pool and read my book (Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins, thank you to Lee for the recommendation - it's fantastic). I chatted and smoked with two guys, one from India and one from France. They were nice. I ended up crashing at 6:30pm and slept all through the night. Jet lag is a bitch.

Yesterday I woke up early, ate breakfast with some new friends and then my new roommate, Jeannie, and I walked two miles (approximately) to the Smithfield Shopping Centre and back to buy sheets, towels, and an internet cord. I spent the rest of the day relaxing and reading some more. That evening I ate dinner with some of the other kids here and was going to go out to the club with them, but ended up falling asleep early, which was for the best I suppose because I had to get up early this morning and go to JCU to get my welcome pack and such. I have orientation tomorrow and classes start the 4th of August.

Today, I think I will go to the beach with everyone, even though I just got my period. Also, my toilet won't stop running and it won't flush... I think my male German roommate fucked it up. Oh well.

I seriously need to find a drumset ASAP, but for now, here is some eye candy:

Bird's eye view of the coast.


Cairns, Queensland. Quite possibly one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and my home for the next four months.

her body's under the covers and there's nothing wrong with a single inch.

Oh my god. I am in Australia. It's beautiful.

That's all I've got for now. I promise a lengthy post once I get the internet hooked up in my room (which will be tomorrow). I had a whole bunch of ideas in my head of what I wanted to write about the flight and the arrival and stuff, but since I've had a lack of internet access it has all escaped me. Nevertheless, tomorrow I promise pictures and details. Cross my heart.

I miss everybody.

ego tripping at the gates of hell.

Two days until departure. I find myself constantly reflecting on the past two and a half months. Time flew by. If someone had told me at the beginning of the summer that I would have become good friends with Deena Maddox and would be dating Alton Jenkins, I would have laughed in their face. It's so crazy the way things work out. Life is a trip, man. This summer has been one to remember. I will never forget these days. This was the summer I really found myself and came into my own. This was the summer that my hands became blistered from drumming. This was the summer that I lost Pecos. This was the summer that brought new friendships into my life, diminished some old ones and rekindled others. This was the best summer of my life up to this point.

Twenty years of life has led up to all of this. Everything in life is connected. Every choice you make ricochets and causes your life to go one way or another. You make your life what you want it to be, and it's one hell of an adventure. While I am sad to be leaving, I know that these next four months are going to incredible. I'm going to have a good time and meet a ton of people and experience so much. And then I'll come back, and when I do I know I have fantastic friends and an amazing guy waiting for me. And if things change along the way, so be it.

I feel enlightened.

i was waiting on the moments.

God. Where can I even begin? I leave for Australia in three days and it's really starting to hit me. This summer has been so amazing. I met so many people, including a great guy. I know I'll be back soon enough, but I also know what time can do to people. I don't know. I think I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride, even if it means things not working out the way I want them to.

My birthday party was a lot of fun. I was really disappointed that a lot of people that said they were coming didn't show, but there was a fantastic crowd. Old friends and new friends, music, and happiness. I couldn't stop smiling. It felt good to have everyone with me to celebrate. Tomorrow is my actual birthday and I think I'm just going to go out to lunch with my family and possibly Alton.

I also got a new camera. It's almost exactly like my old one, but with slightly higher quality pictures. It's good to know I'll have a camera in Australia to chronicle my adventure. I'll be sure to post pictures up here for anyone who is interested. I've been listening to the Flaming Lips non-stop. They are fantastic. Now I need a shower and sleep. My bed will be lonely tonight.

This is me really, really happy.

the universe will have its way.

I think I learned a lot about people and myself tonight.

don't cry, i'll bring this home to you.

Life is so fucking weird (in a good way, though).

That's really all I have to say right now.

i'm floating down a river.

I leave for Australia in two weeks. I feel a mixture of excitement, fear, and sadness. This summer has been incredible, especially the past couple of weeks, and I'm sad that it's coming to an end. I'm going to miss everybody so, so much. I think I've really come into my own this summer and I'm scared that when I leave, this confidence that I've developed with diminish. I think that I can hold onto it and let it flourish on the other side of the world, though. At least I hope I can. I'm sure as hell going to try.

The next two weeks are going to fly by and I've got so much to fill them with. The Octopus Project is playing tomorrow at Sam's Burger Joint. After that, we're going to try to go to Hot Tin Roof to see Jaik's band perform. Sunday there is a show at the Warhol I may go to. Deena gets back into town on Wednesday. Thursday I'm going to Austin to see Tilly and the Wall at Emo's. Friday is the Rx Bandits/Portugal. The Man/Facing New York concert (also at Emo's). Saturday is my birthday party, which, if all goes according to plan (which somehow it never really does), should be awesome. Slain Monarch is playing for sure and Sarah and Octopus may play as well. Swimming, live music/jamming, possibly two kegs, and great company. Deepa is also coming into town for it, which I am super stoked about. I'm glad I'll get to see her before I head off. Then my actual birthday is the 21st, and then my flight out of here is the 24th.

This will be the last picture that I post of Pecos (which, by the way, I swear he is smiling in this). I think I've finally let go.