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I've decided to run a half marathon in February. Training begins tomorrow. Wish me luck.

life is what you make it.

Things have definitely improved since the last time I wrote here. I bounced back from Eric pretty quickly, thanks to just about everybody I have in my life. The job search is going at least slightly better. The Health Science Center contacted me with a few responses they wanted and then said that I would hear back within two weeks if they want to interview me. Then the other day I got a call from a veterinary clinic that I sent my resume to and they want to interview me for their vet kennel technician position. I'm hoping more for that job over the lab job at the Health Science Center, but I've got a few concerns about moving to Austin. First off, I'm not sure that the position will pay what I would need to support moving to and living in Austin. Second, I applied for a position in Texas Parks and Wildlife in Corpus doing sea turtle stuff. I'd be making over $30,000/year and it'd be a perfect career starting position. I'm not sure I'll be considered because a lot of people in this field have years and years of experience or at least a Master's, and I have neither of those things. But I'm hoping that working at Sea Turtle Inc. (which works very closely with the Corpus program) will give me a little edge.

So basically the issue is that if I move to Austin for this kennel tech job and sign a lease somewhere and move in and get settled then I'd be stuck there and would have issues accepting the Corpus position, should I even get offered. I'm not really getting my hopes up but I just want to make sure I make logical decisions with what my next step is. I do know that I'm craving my own place and I'm craving work and a schedule and a routine. When I have no routine, I get so disorganized and sidetracked from doing what I need to do.

Blah blah blah. I guess that's it. I had a great day today and a really nice, quiet night. Red wine, reading, Miles Davis, and episodes of South Park. And it just started raining again, for the millionth time this week. I've been loving it.

may you spread your love like laughter, find whatever your after, open all your windows and let the music spill out.

Things are so strange right now. I feel like I have no direction, no purpose. I've been home for a week and I'm already bored. It's weird having graduated. I wish I was going back to school. I need to use my brain. I need things to keep me occupied so I can keep my mind off of my slightly bruised heart, but there's not much to fill the time. I've been applying for jobs that I convince myself will be decent, but truthfully, I'm not finding anything that inspires me. I know I shouldn't be picky, I just need some form of income, but I want to do something meaningful. I don't want to waste time working a job that I hate. Maybe I've become spoiled from all the amazing jobs that I've managed to come across so far. Or maybe I'm fooling myself to think that I can stay in Texas. There's nothing here for me. And I don't know what's next. I don't know what to do. I feel lost. Aimless.

The past few weeks have sucked. Moving away from the island and employment, having to give away Kitty, getting hurt by Eric, then coming home and realizing that I have nothing to put my energy toward. I realize that things aren't really that bad, but I just feel down in the dumps. I was extraordinarily happy three weeks ago. And here I am now. Bummed out and extremely contemplative sitting in my bedroom. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

keep it loose, keep it tight.

Summer is over. Things are feeling dark. I fell hard and then got my heart squished. Thinking about it makes me feel nauseous so I'll just leave it at that. My dad got laid off again. I'm unemployed and broke. I'm fifteen pounds heavier than I was at the start of the summer.

Something has got to change before I lose it. I'm drowning.

when you run make sure you run to something and not away from 'cause lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you down.

Shit, I haven't posted in forever. It's hard to keep up with stuff when you don't have the internet. I'm home right now, my birthday is tomorrow technically. I don't feel too excited this year, but it'll be a good one I'm sure. I'm going to Austin I think to do some swimming and hanging out.

This summer at Sea Turtle Inc. has been epic. I found two nests, which is two more than last year. My co-workers are amazing, I've met a lot of cool people, I got a new kitten (who I'm watching attack her own shadow right now), and many good times have ensued. I've even managed to save quite a bit of money!

My last day of work is going to be August 6th. After than I head back to San Antonio to meet Caroline and Bailey here on the 7th. We're going to hang out for a few days, and then, after sending Bailey on a plane, Carlo and I are heading to California together. We're going to go to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, L.A. to see Arielle and Grace and my lovely friend Deena, Monterey to hit up the aquarium and drop off a resume, then we're ending in San Francisco. I'll fly back to Texas on the 18th. Then it's hanging out for a bit while I figure out my next move. I got a job offer with a company called East Coast Observers. I'll basically be living on a boat in the gulf for six weeks doing some work with the oil spill, making bank. I'm pretty stoked.

Life is rockin' these days. More so than usual.

you said, "ain't this just like the present to be showing up like this?"

Holy shit. I am graduating from college in less than a week. It's all been hitting me more and more every day. I just got back from a four day long vacation at the cabin in Vermont today. It was amazing. Old faces and new faces (though I wish there had more more cohesion between the two), beer and boxed wine, laughter and tears. I am so appreciative of all the people I have in my life. This year has been rough and a lot has changed, but I'm glad to know that they're still there, even when some of them don't seem like they are. It makes me feel sick to my stomach when I think about leaving. It's so scary to me to know that this time, when I get on that plane to go back to Texas, I won't be coming back. This is it. I don't know when the next time will be that I'll get to see any of the people that have become my best friends. It's so hard, but I know this is just part of life.

We went and visited Nick at rehab on our way out of Vermont this afternoon. He's in Brattleboro at a nice place and he looks amazing. I've never seem him look this good, this healthy, even before the whole incident. I'm so happy that he's doing well. He's thinking of getting an apartment in town and just hunkering down there for a while. I think that would be great for him. The town was really cute, we went out to lunch at a little cafe and chatted and caught up. We walked for a bit, stopped at a little head shop, and then dropped him off as we got back on the road. He's going to come to graduation, which I'm really excited about.

Senior year has been amazing. I feel like I've gotten to such a good place in my life. Pretty late in the year, we started to meet some really amazing people. It sucks that our paths crossed at the end, not giving us much time. We've made the most of it, though.

I feel so lucky for everything that I've been given, the people I've met along the way, the experiences I've had, the mistakes I've made, and the person I've become. I can't believe college is over.

Best four years of my life.