break out the winter clothes & find a love to call your own.

I'm sitting in bed in my underwear listen to John Mayer's "Room for Squares" album and it's bringing me back hardcore. High school, Matt, making mistakes, growing up. It's a weird feeling. I've come so far and I'm feeling ready to go farther. I had a really good conversation with my friends tonight and Katy mentioned that she wanted to have a clearer focus in her life. She basically took the words right out of my mouth. I have been feeling this way for so long. I'm really ready for a change and I'm ready to work for it.

This might not make sense to anyone else, but that's okay.

i'm on the cross.

I've been feeling relatively unhappy as of late. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's just PMS, but even my period has been fucked up and off schedule. I feel like most of it is stemming from my body image. I don't know what my deal is. I'm just tired of being chubby, I suppose. All my friends are thin yet still complain about their weight so how am I supposed to feel?

Okay, I'll stop bitching and go to the gym now.

12:34 strikes again.

I never post anymore. I should really change that but I feel like I never have time to sit down and update. Therefore when I do finally get around to it, the posts tend to be lengthy.

This weekend was pretty good. Thursday we went to the WMHC dance thing, which was okay. Friday was a pretty laid back evening spent in the suite making music with the gals. Saturday Roy and Andrew came in from Boston and Jason came from New Hampshire to see Katy. We bought a rather large bottle of tequila and went out dancing. I had a fantastic time. The boys were going to stay until Monday but ended up leaving this evening, which was fine with me because I desperately needed to do some homework and take a shower and have some alone time. Today was a really good day. We played some Guitar Hero, some Katamari (which I've decided is a fantastically brilliant yet mindless game), and just hung out. We watched this really amazing drumming/beat video called Pulse. It made me think of William. Maybe I'll buy it for him for his birthday, whenever that is. It had all these songs and dances from different places all over the world. It reminded me of why I love music so much. It's really a universal language. Quite a beautiful thing. It makes me proud to be a musician, even if I am fairly amateur.

I finally got the shower I desperately needed, did my online Cell Bio quiz, and now I'm curled up in bed with the computer on my lap. I'm working on a new song. It just came to me as I was walking into my room tonight. I like it so far. I'm feeling really good about my music. Everyone seems to be liking it and I've got Katy helping me out with viola/djembe/background vocals in a couple of songs, too. I'm really glad that I've been jamming as much as I have this semester.

I'm really actually feeling good about just about everything right now. I really can't think of a time before when I've been this happy in my own skin, my own life. It feels unbelievable. Every day I'm still just amazed at how much I changed from my time in Australia. I laugh louder, I put my heart into things more, and I feel more passionate about life. A girl couldn't ask for me.

And on that note, I'm going to retire to some Deer Tick, some Facebook, and some sleep.

what do you really want?

DUDE. Seriously. I am so over all the bullshit.

So I received a message this morning from a friend back home which states that someone told her something I had said(which was very obviously just in an attempt to stir things up and create conflict). Granted, it was something that I had, indeed, said. But I was drunk at the time and, looking back from a sober viewpoint, I realized that I definitely did not feel the way that I had claimed to feel, accepted that, and moved on. MONTHS LATER, someone decided to voice this to said friend. And the web continues. I actually just realized that I don't even care to go into this in anymore detail. I just don't care, period. I'm pretty much done with a lot of people back home, I'm thinking. There's too much immature crap entangled in these relationships and I don't really wish to be a part of it. Dumb ass shit.

So anyways, school has been fantastic. I've been struggling a bit academically, but I'm sure once I get back into the swing of things I'll have an easier time. Scuba diving class has been a lot of fun. On Thursday, we learned how to build the scuba unit and then we got in the pool (only in the shallow end, though) and learned how to find a lost regulator and put it back in your mouth, and how to clear water out of our masks without surfacing. I'm also thinking of using the credit on my financial account and putting it towards a Key Largo scuba trip during Spring Break. We'd go down with a big group of students from UMass, camp out, have five days of diving (including normal dives, deep sea dives, and night time dives!), and I'd get my advanced scuba certification. Sounds bomb to me, yo. I'm still trying to convince the parents, though.

Last night we stayed in and hung out in the suite. I brought over my guitar and we played music and talked and laughed and it was a lot of fun. I broke down and smoked a couple of cigarettes and also pretty much pigged out when I got back to my room, but oh well. I'm ready to move on today. I want to go to the gym but I'm still feel a twinge hungover so that'll have to wait. We may be going to Vermont today to visit Ryan, but as of now I'm not sure where we stand with that whole situation.

OH. I almost forgot. Yesterday, Katy and I went to the gym and Chiara was there for a squash class. We went upstairs to use the cardio equipment. Half an hour later, this woman comes running upstairs yelling "IS ANYONE UP HERE NAMED KATY OR NINA?!" I had my headphones on so I didn't hear this, but I was relayed the information later. So I'm on the treadmill, totally oblivious, and I see Katy speedily going to grab her stuff and she's talking with the woman. I give her a strange look and she starts to tell me what the deal is. I take off my headphones and she says "Chiara got hurt, I have to drive her to the hospital". I jumped off the treadmill immediately and go with her. Turns out Chiara had dislocated her shoulder. So we drove her to the hospital and were there for about two hours. This awesome girl from Hampshire who volunteers there showed up with arts and crafts so we were thoroughly entertained while we were waiting, though.

And last, but not least, there are two new songs up on my Myspace, so go check them out here: www.myspace.com/ninacardenasmusic. Ciao!

tell me how come no one gets what they really want? we love only when it's convenient.

I have a lot of reading to do and I'm wiped but here's a brief (and boring) list of what's been happening:

- I can't stop listening to the song "A Soft Hum" by As Tall As Lions. It's so good.
- My knee may or may not be fucked (again). But I went running today anyways. Ran 2.5 miles yesterday but only ran one today and walked for 25 minutes, as well.
- Quitting smoking. Wish me luck.
- Enjoying my classes and even am trying to keep up with the reading and homework.
- Went to bed at 9:30pm last night while trying to watch Caddyshack and slept until 10am today.
- Busy days = a happy Nina.
- I want to write more songs. Lee inspires me.
- Weekend, come faster plz.
- Life is just fucking amazing, in general.

That's pretty much the gist of it. Now I'm off to do reading about structural theory. Cool? Maybe, maybe not. I'll let you know.

you were so right when you said that i'd been drinking.

So I've been back at school for about a week now. The first week was good. It was awesome to see everybody again. Classes started Thursday and I still have to work out a few kinks in my schedule but the semester seems like it will be a promising one. My classes are good, relationships are good, life is good. I'm not even letting the cold get to me as much.

Katy and I ventured to Boston this weekend. She went to meet up with Jason and I went to visit Lee. It was fantastic to see him again. Every time I hang out with him I'm just reminded how effing cool that kid is. I stole almost 6000 songs from him, which brings my library up to over 8000. Movin' on up, eh? The weekend really was awesome, though. Lee has wonderful roommates, we played music and drank copious amounts of alcohol, watched Boogie Nights, and Lee cooked me his delicious potatoes FOUR times in twenty four hours. I had a blast and am already thinking of going back sometime in the near future.

I wish I could write more details about everything that has been going on since I've been back in the Northeast but a) I have homework to do and b) I'm seriously exhausted and can't think well. I'll try to post more often. I swear.